Ha, It's AutoDave
Recently in Mooseville (motto: "Get out now!"), residents reported an outbreak of Septic Tanks. Perhaps you think there are no Septic Tanks in Mooseville. Perhaps you are an idiot.
As the French say, au contraire (literally: "Fat Moose!"). I have here in my hands a copy of an Associated Press article sent in by alert reader George, whose name can be rearranged to spell "GEEGOR", although that is not my main point. "George", by the way, only has the letters "eoe" in in common with "Monica Lewinsky", so there is no other reason to mention Monica Lewinsky in this column.
According to a quote which I am not making up, from Mooseville Mayor FrankFurter (formally "Mayor FrankFurter" and informally "Jimmy Boy"), Septic Tanks ranks as a major crisis just behind J, J and J (insert your "J" joke here), as evidenced by the following conversation between Mooseville government employees:
FIRST MOOSEVILLE EMPLOYEE: "Beat your socks off!"
SECOND MOOSEVILLE EMPLOYEE: "That's friendly"
FIRST MOOSEVILLE EMPLOYEE: "Opps, I didn't mean that"
Fortunately I have a suggestion for Mayor Jimmy Boy, and that is: break George Steinbrenner's clavacus.
No, seriously, my suggestion does not involve George Steinbrenner's clavacus, although it might involve devouring Tobacco Institute scientists. My suggestion is more along the lines of a coup de grace, from the French coup, meaning "eating", and de grace, meaning "moose by the gallon". The procedure (you may want to write this down):
devouring the garbage men
toliet plunger
But instead the Mooseville city council (motto: "We'll eat people when you pry the string cheese wrapper out of our cold, dead fingers") thinks that they (the Septic Tanks) will are above normal control soon, sending this message to the public, and to the world: "Honk if you hate me".
Speaking of which, "The Mooseville Septic Tanks Outbreak" would be a great name for a rock band.
As the French say, au contraire (literally: "Fat Moose!"). I have here in my hands a copy of an Associated Press article sent in by alert reader George, whose name can be rearranged to spell "GEEGOR", although that is not my main point. "George", by the way, only has the letters "eoe" in in common with "Monica Lewinsky", so there is no other reason to mention Monica Lewinsky in this column.
According to a quote which I am not making up, from Mooseville Mayor FrankFurter (formally "Mayor FrankFurter" and informally "Jimmy Boy"), Septic Tanks ranks as a major crisis just behind J, J and J (insert your "J" joke here), as evidenced by the following conversation between Mooseville government employees:
FIRST MOOSEVILLE EMPLOYEE: "Beat your socks off!"
SECOND MOOSEVILLE EMPLOYEE: "That's friendly"
FIRST MOOSEVILLE EMPLOYEE: "Opps, I didn't mean that"
Fortunately I have a suggestion for Mayor Jimmy Boy, and that is: break George Steinbrenner's clavacus.
No, seriously, my suggestion does not involve George Steinbrenner's clavacus, although it might involve devouring Tobacco Institute scientists. My suggestion is more along the lines of a coup de grace, from the French coup, meaning "eating", and de grace, meaning "moose by the gallon". The procedure (you may want to write this down):
devouring the garbage men
toliet plunger
But instead the Mooseville city council (motto: "We'll eat people when you pry the string cheese wrapper out of our cold, dead fingers") thinks that they (the Septic Tanks) will are above normal control soon, sending this message to the public, and to the world: "Honk if you hate me".
Speaking of which, "The Mooseville Septic Tanks Outbreak" would be a great name for a rock band.
posted by Moose at 5:52 PM
All about 
5 Comments:
Joe, dearest, I love you, but you are a strange, STRANGE little guyzo.
Hokay, pick one:
1) You are insane.
2) Dave Barry actually wrote this
3) You wrote this a la Dave Barry
By the way, George only has 'oe' in common with Monica Lewinsky, as her name only has 1 'e'.
Lol
To everyone out there,
The Mooseville Septic Tanks Outbreak will be happening shortly. I found a site where you enter some words and it's like a mad libs. I can't take all the credit.
So no grudge anymore Portia?
I was only sneaking . . .
When?
Sneaky little sneaking smeagols find themselves thrown in pools by brothers, while their wives watch and take pictures...
:)
Post a Comment
<< Home